I like to think I am good at making decisions in life, but to be honest, I am pretty bad and I’m sure a lot of others are as well, especially when it comes down to deciding among multiple options. Maybe I am getting better at it with age, who knows. But one thing I am sure off is I try my best to make the best decision based on the information I have at that point in time. And for some reason it’s easy to make a decision that involves me, but when it involves my children, it’s hard. Actually it’s pretty god damn hard because I am making a decision for someone else’s future.
Ideally it would be great if kids could make their own decisions from multiple options, but according to adults, kids are not capable. Maybe the kids are good at making the correct decision because they don’t over analyse a situation the way adults do.
I am always on my kids’ case about poor judgement or a poor decision. And it upsets me. I feel like the Douglas C. Neirdemayer character in “Animal House” and the Twisted Sister clips. It feels like it’s only a matter of time before my kids rise up and tell me “we’re not gonna take it”.
So what went wrong?
Why did I become the parent that I so didn’t want to be?
Why did I breach my own standards?
How did I fall to the dark side?
It’s funny how the pressures of life outside the family home get vented in the family home. The stress of keeping a job to pay for the mortgage and bills, well the kids cop it. The stress of the workplace, the kids also cop it. I feel like crap even typing this. I purchased them iPads, PS4’s Xbox, Nintendo and what not and then yell at them when they use these tools constantly.
Is their homework done?
Have they read?
Have they done this or that?
Seriously.. Should I expect them to be more responsible?
I had parents that didn’t care about my schooling or even ask me if I did my homework. I think by them not caring, it gave me a certain responsibility to care about myself when it came to school and life in general. But I cannot be like that with my kids. I care too much. I want to know what’s happening. It’s a vicious world we live in and society is a dog eat dog vacuum. Knowledge is power and I want my kids to be armed with it.
So I need to get my act together and change my style. Because the yelling parent is the one I don’t want to be. I asked my kids if I am constantly on their case and they didn’t answer me. I guess they didn’t hear me, because their attention is taking up by the black mirrors on their laps.