I totalled my knee a couple of days ago playing over 35’s football/soccer. I should have brushed up on my physics equations and worked out how my injury ravaged knees would be able to stop a body that weights 100kg plus running at full speed and then change direction in an instant. Because that is what happened in a nutshell and what went down was a loud snap.
Suddenly I was on the ground in agony. I got up and limped off. I tried to get the feeling back in my lower left leg. The calve muscle started spasming. Nausea came and a cold sweat hit me. I steadied myself against the fence. Eventually, I returned from the land of confusion.
I drove home, iced it and as the hours ticked over, it started to get stiffer and sorer.
The next day I got X-rays done. Thank god there is no break or fracture. I now have an ultrasound to determine ligament damage or muscle tear or fluid build up. The doctor reckons the symptoms and the pain area is consistent with ligament damage.
This knee of mine has been a thorn in my side since 1995, which was the year I totalled it in two places playing football. Getting injured is a part of life, but man the mental scars are just tough. Recovery from an injury is hard especially when you are older and have responsibilities and kids.
You see, the injury happened at a point in my life where I felt happy and right now I don’t feel happy at all. Other factors have come into play to bring about this new low and all of these conditions when compounded together makes me realise how quickly happiness comes and goes.
When I am in these ruts, it feels like my last days on earth. That is how dark it gets. I ask myself over and over again, what is the point?
And as I am thinking these thoughts, “The Great Misconceptions Of Me” is playing in the headphones. For those that don’t know, it is the last song on “The Crimson Idol” concept album from the excellent Blackie Lawless, otherwise known as W.A.S.P.
While the song is dark in nature (the actual character of the story, Jonathan takes guitar strings and hangs himself), it somehow manages to lift me up. At over nine minutes long, it’s not a song that would be played on the radio. Hell, in Australia, I have not heard not one WASP song on the radio.
One YouTube user called “pwnzerleet” has an mp3 of the song and it has close to 284,000 views. Another user called “crackpippi” has an acoustic version up and it has close to 140,000 views. “Waspqueen” has a user made video up of the song and it has 106,000 views. So even though the song isn’t a radio hit, it is a hit amongst the metal W.A.S.P heads.
“There is no love, to shelter me
Only love, love set me free”
That is what we are looking for. To be loved. That is why social media is popular amongst people. It gives us a sense of being loved. That is why we keep on picking ourselves up off the floor, relationship after relationship. We want to be loved and we want to love back. No one wants to be alone.
“I am no idol, no crimson king
I’m the imposter, the world has seen”
You see as we grow up in life we change a lot. The pressures of belonging and the fear of being ostracised or left out of the group are too great that we become imposters to the real people that we should be. I am evidence of that. I know exactly when I made those choices in life that lead me astray from the path called “Who I Want To Be”. The scary thing is that I have learned to live with and accept those choices which in turn leads to other choices that further seperates me from the main path.
Across the bridge of sighs
Your losing heaven’s light
Heavens hung in black
The above lyric is from the excellent “Heavens Hung In Black”. This song is a super hit. It is from 2007’s “Dominator” album.
YouTube user “ComeTakeMeHome” has a self-made clip of the song up and it has close to 1.24 million views. “WASPQueen” has it up and the video has close to 624,000 views.
The bridge of sighs once upon a time carried prisoners to their execution. It again reinforces the choices we make in life and the paths those choices lead us on. The further we deviate from the path we should be on, the closer we are to the bridge of sighs.